There are certain Tinder bios that will always work. “Got an extra ticket to Adele,” “Anyone want a free Dyson Airwrap?” or “Who else is thinking about ‘Silver Springs’ not being included on Rumors?” are almost universal in their appeal; unfortunately, they have to be true to actually use them effectively. (I’d be far more upset if you catfished me into thinking I was getting a Dyson Airwrap than if you fudged your height).
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a Tinder account, must be in want of help with his bio—and I’m here to do just that. My qualifications are that I just re-downloaded Tinder and Hinge and swiped for untold hours on a bunch of boring bios…. And that I have taste.
1. If you can’t be original, be yourself
If you chose your bio from a list you Googled, that’s un peu pathétique. Even if you didn’t subcontract out your bio, some bios and prompt answers that are beyond overdone at this point. “My biggest hero: my mom,” “We’ll get along if my dog likes you,” “Looking for someone who doesn’t take themself too seriously.” PLEASE STOP. You want someone who is open-minded? You love the gym? You know the best spot in town for tacos? Groundbreaking. If that’s how much work you’re willing to put into writing about who you are, everyone’s going to assume that there’s not much you have to offer.
Obviously, everything truly original on a dating app has already been done. (Infinite monkeys on typewriters penning Shakespeare and all that). You don’t need to reinvent the wheel, instead, focus on specific things about yourself. Those are going to be more interesting than anything you found on a Reddit list or article from 2013.
Specificity is the key to avoiding bromides. “My siblings and I do three-legged races every Thanksgiving” is so much more appealing than “Family is the most important thing.” Also, stop saying you love to travel and like hanging out with friends. You aren’t on The Bachelor; you don’t need to speak in broad cliches.
Are you an adult twin? Born on Leap Day? Were you a background actor in Pirates of the Caribbean? Perhaps you’re allergic to mustard? Maybe you’ve never been on a trampoline? Tell us! Those are the kinds of seemingly mundane conversation starters that make you seem at least two percent unique.
Ultimately, the most important part of any Tinder bio or Hinge prompt is to stop making Breaking Bad your entire personality.
2. Be fun, or if you must, funny. But not clever!
First and foremost, please don’t try to be clever. Pick-up lines are not why people are getting swiped on. And while a little challenge can be fun—“No one can chug a glass of water faster than me,” for example, is hilarious—your profile shouldn’t read like you’re trying to outsmart the competition. Relax.
Instead of trying to write some witty reply to a stock prompt, just be open about who you are. It’s way funnier for someone’s bio to be like, “I’m permanently banned from Six Flags,” than to mention how as a child, you assumed quicksand was going to be so much more common than it really is. (Please stop mentioning quicksand).
Being truly funny in a short bio is virtually impossible. Take the pressure off and just seem like you’re a nice dude to get a drink with.
3. Don’t be self-deprecating, sarcastic, or cynical
“I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doin’ here? I don’t belong here” is great for when you do karaoke once every couple of years. It makes for a terrible Tinder bio. And yet! So many men mention how long it’s been since they’ve had a good date. The vibe that gives off is: unsurprisingly, that you’re not a good match.
Additionally, being overly sarcastic or cynical about the process of being on a dating app doesn’t make you read like you’re above all of this; it makes you sound dull and whiny. Things like, “Love happens when you least expect it, and my expectations could not be lower right now,” just make you read as a sneering ass.
We all hate being on dating apps. There are a grand total of four people who have had a nonstop blast swiping online. Still! Hinting about how much you hate this or how the process is beneath you is unattractive. People on the other side of the screen are looking for someone who will make uncomfortable situations fun, not miserable.
4. Be chill about how horny you are
When it comes to bragging about how much you love going down on your partner or any other mention of your sexual prowess, just know it seems like you’re either compensating or lying.
There’s no shame in being on an app to try to get laid. You’re flirty, thirsty, and thriving, and we love that for you. But being overly sexual in your bio often comes across as desperate and crass. The big apps like Tinder and Hinge let you say what you’re looking for—something serious, a long-term partner, still figuring it out, etc. So you don’t have to make your entire profile about how much you love doggy style. Slow down! Be normal!
Similarly, stop mentioning body parts and physical deal breakers. Honestly, stop mentioning physical deal makers, too. You’re already enforcing those things via your swipes. You don’t have to put that out there; it comes across as mean and superficial.
5. I’m Ron Burgundy?
That’s right. You put the question mark on the teleprompter. A lot of guys on dating apps seem to want to challenge their partner, which, again, is not as flirty or hot as you think. Instead, try asking a question. For bonus points, avoid either/ors that get a lot of use, like “beach or mountains” or “tea or coffee.”
Ask something like: “Without Googling, how tall do you think Danny Devito is?” or “What’s the worst Pixar movie?” or “What celebrity do you hate for no good reason?” or anything else that might allow someone to actually start a conversation with you.
If all else fails, just make your bio: “I own a boat.”
