When I first saw the character posters for The Three Musketeers: D'Artagnan, I believed that I had somehow ripped a hole in the fabric of reality and landed in the Call My Agent! extended universe. There they were, half of France’s movie stars—Vincent Cassel as Athos; Romain Duris as Aramis; Pio Marmaï as Porthos; Eva Green as Milady; Louis Garrel as King Louis XIII; plus Luxembourg’s finest, Vicky Krieps, as the Queen—staring at me in comically opulent 17th century drip. François Civil, who plays D'Artagnan, even had a recurring role in the popular showbiz-skewering comedy series. (Not to mention a 2023 GQ France Man of the Year cover.) I was just waiting for a plotline about Krieps and Cassel quarreling over the horseback-riding clause in their contracts.
Mais non, mes chers, the movie is very real. And after being released in European theaters back in April, The Three Musketeers: D'Artagnan is finally available to rent stateside this month, though it’s mostly flown under-the-radar so far. When it comes to French-set historical epics this season, you’re probably well aware of Ridley Scott’s dour Napoleon—but this is the one you actually want to see.
Now, to be fair, what could we possibly do with another Three Musketeers movie? In an entertainment landscape that’s drowning in IP, few stories have been told and retold onscreen as often as Alexandre Dumas’s 1844 novel. More than 50 adaptations have been made to date, including one with Gene Kelly in 1948, Charlie Sheen in 1993, and Orlando Bloom in 2011 (that one was 3D). We also have Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds (all the Musketeers are dogs), Barbie and the Three Musketeers (all the Musketeers are Barbies), and 3 Musketeers (all the Musketeers are fluffy nougat enrobed in chocolate).
D’Artagnan dusts off an old story and makes it feel fresh and urgent, while preserving its inherent charm. Young, eager D’Artagnan arrives in 17th century Paris with the hope of joining the king’s musketeers. He does quickly get enmeshed with them, along with a twisty, menacing conspiracy against the French crown. Practical action and stunt work take the place of grotesque CGI. There is legitimate swashbuckling. There is palace intrigue and furtive whispering. There is dialogue like: “If my right hand fails me, my left shall suffice to kill you." (Okay, go off.)
It’s satisfying to see The Three Musketeers: D'Artagnan get made in 2023. And even more satisfying to watch, simultaneously grand in scope and elegantly precise in execution. Is it groundbreaking? Not particularly. But it is an unexpectedly great thrillride that presents an old school idea: what if someone took some of the best actors working today, put them in extravagant period dress, and made an action-packed historical epic?
As I pointed out when I wrote about the cult of Master and Commander, that flavor of big-budget blockbuster has mostly disappeared. D'Artagnan and its sequel, The Three Musketeers: Milady—which is out in Europe now but not landing on our shores until next year—are rare exceptions, costing a combined $78.2 million to produce. Remember when the BBC blew over $25,000 just on candles for Wolf Hall? That’s what I want to see more of.
And, of course, there is that positive male friendship that gives these movies their beating heart. While I would not deign to refer to the musketeers as “dudes who rock,” they are “dudes who exhibit an admirable sense of loyalty and duty, all while wearing increasingly elaborate feathered hats.” It also passes the French version of the Bechdel Test (“does your movie include a guy who could reasonably be called ‘the most French-looking guy of all time?’”) more than a few times over.
Ultimately, The Three Musketeers: D'Artagnan doesn’t try to reinvent the wheel—and that’s a good thing.
